She heeded no voice, She accepted no instruction She did not trust in the LORD, She did not draw near to her God.
I had my six month old twin boys screaming at me. I sat three months pregnant and crying. My husband had left, our relationship was over. I was lost.
How am I going to be able to care for another baby? I am struggling to care for the two I already have. I can’t do this it is too much.
I locked the bathroom doors an sat on the floors. It was just me and I was terrified. Thoughts of abortion or adoption came to mind.
Yet this voice I swear I heard it, though it might have been in my head. It said “mommy don’t.” This sweet little girls voice, a voice that sounded as she had been crying too.
I got up. Washed the tears from my face and walked out of that bathroom completely sure I could handle it all. I don’t think I even understood the feeling at the time. I just felt as though I was safe, protected, and calm.
My twin boys are now going into preschool. My only daughter is the apple of my eye like me in so many ways. I even have another son who is walking and climbing and tormenting his older siblings. My ex husband and I are on speaking terms again and he sees them regularly. It took several years to overcome the things that came between him and the kids, but he has changed his life for the better; as I have learned to be more understanding and kind.
I know now looking back that I wasn’t 100% in the right even though for years I blamed him. I can now understand his actions even though I don’t agree.
I wandered for years looking for a place to call home, a church that I felt like I belonged. It wasn’t until I became a stay at home mom that I found that church. They have life groups and volunteer opportunities. When I walked in I was greeted with smiles and genuine compassion. My babies were excepted and loved and no mention of the difference in race was even made. I joined a discipleship programand began to learn even more.
As my relationship with God has strengthened and as I learn more everyday, I look back on my past and see all the ways I have been directed and protected even from myself. There is no doubt in my mind that he is watching over me. There is no doubt in my mind to his existence.
Seek the LORD while He may be found; Call upon Him while He is near. Let the wicked forsake his way And the unrighteous man his thoughts; And let him return to the LORD, And He will have compassion on him, And to our God, For He will abundantly pardon.
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